No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
