Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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