There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
