East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
