I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
