where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
