shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
