Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
