hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
