I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
