Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
