just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
