Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
