I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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