So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
