Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize