Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
