I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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