Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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