i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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