he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My bed smells like the plague
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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