Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i came on her dog
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
