We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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