If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
