I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
