it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
