Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize