i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My ass is underappreciated
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
