So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i think i have two assholes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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