So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
