Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
