Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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