Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
