Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is it penis luge time yet?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
