Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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