and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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