You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
