you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
