I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
