I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
