your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
