I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
