He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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