Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize