If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
