so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
