I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
