I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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