Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
