I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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