Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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