Moan for me like Helen Keller
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
