not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
