I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
my poor anus
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
