I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize