Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
