she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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