Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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