i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The adults are the big ones right?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
