Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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