hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
