She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize