I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How does one acquire holy water?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
