The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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