Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
