i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize