Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
