I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
