I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
