Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My nipple is on Facebook.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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