I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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